From what I heard, this was an excellent weekend. The girls went out on the town for Joani’s Bachelorette party and apperently they caught up on a lot of drinking.
Some highlights from a reliable source: Ass and titty all over the place to win free merchandise from Dick’s Last Resort, Some silly hats with silly sayings, Joani almost dying from choking on a ‘blowjob’ shot, Much dancing and partying at Ontourage (yes thats spelled right, isn’t it cute how they did that) and at Sound-Bar. They were in the VIP room by invitation of someone at the club and as soon as they got into the VIP area they were asked to leave by the same guy…so obviously they ignored him and stayed up there.
Sometime during the evening Cheri’s big toe got smashed up, and she kept falling onto a black leather couch where Carrie Berry (lollers) was sitting with her gourd so bent out of shape she was reduced to grunts and facial expressions as her only means of communications with the rest of the world.
As the evening progressed the ladies somehow, most likely a miracle from the almighty himself, found their way back to the hotel where they were staying. Once they had touched back down to earth it was hot tub time…you all know what hot tub time is…this activity is promenently featured on every dating reality show known to man. It doesn’t matter what show or what station, there is alway a hot tub scene and it always has some dork throwing out awesome phrases like ‘uh…so do you like hot-tubs?’ and the girl with the big fakies is like ‘uh..maybe…hehe’. Anyway, this was sorta like that except there were no dorky guys to muddy up the imagery. That is if you don’t count MR. Bubbles – and not just the capfull like the directions imply – we’re talking about all of Mr. Bubbles in a large 2 person jacuzzi tub with 4 girls in it (with swimsuits on you dirty bastard). Sounds like good clean fun (rimshot).
(Cue dream like wavy picture full of bubbles & harp music)
Meanwhile a couple of us boys decided to make the most of this night as well. So myself, Gabriel & William got together for some Coronas & some laughs, but the fun doesn’t stop there.
We wanted adventure & intrigue. So we went to Gary Indiana. Now under normal circumstances, you would want to follow a map, maybe take an expressway or two, but could you really consider that an adventure? I don’t think so. We made our way over to our old friend 95th street and asked this old street ‘Street! How far East can you take us?’ and the Street said ‘All the way baby!’
So now we are cruising due east, laughing having a good time and wouldn’t you know it, Bill has to use the bathroom. He is almost begging me to stop somewhere, anywhere. Ok Bill, you have to go, you tell me where you would like me to stop. At the corner of 95th & MLK Jr. Drive I sure as shit didn’t want to stop, but Bill needed me to. Looking around, trying to find a good candidate for us to stop at so a white boy can take a piss…maybe that Soul Food restaraunt…or that JJ fish…or this place:
They were having a sale on kool-aid, and to be fair, I was getting thirsty but in an effort not to put ourselves in a situation where we would feel uncomfortable and unable to pee, we kept driving and pulled into a factory parking lot where we all got out. I peed on a big rock and found it very satifying.
So now we are back on the road and getting close to Indiana…and Bill has to pee again. Seriously. I tell him to hold it cause we were almost there. He managed to make it to the casino bathroom without an accident, we were all very proud.
So once we were in the casinos (the Trump & the Majestic) we scope the shit out and see IT. IT is something so amazing and beautiful it could only be sent from heaven above. IT was truly a sign from God. IT was a sign that said ‘Dollar Drafts & Dogs’!
And yet we couldn’t find anyone selling dogs, or anyone eating dogs! What is this some sort of cosmic joke?
While we were frustrated by the lack of Dogs, we were able to procure some Dollar Drafts for the three of us. And it was good.
We sat at a blackjack table with our frothy ales and threw our hard earned schillings on the table and proclaimed ‘Change Wench!’. After a few rounds of the age old game of Aces & Jacks along with the thirst quenching Ale, our primal hunger began to grow at a pace so fast, even the quickest steed in the land would not be able to keep up.
If only there were dollar dogs to be had! My kingdom for a Dollar Dog!!!
Right then there was a twinkling in the corner of the room, and to my amasement, there she stood, with her shiny stainless steel hot dog cart, golden tongs and steamy buns.
Our savior. Her name was Virginia, and she was selling Dollar Dogs.
As we approached, she called out ‘You hungry boys?’. Indeed we were. 3 dogs please. As we dressed our dogs with mustard, ketchup & green sweet relish, we couldn’t help but wonder how we had missed Virginia and her Holy Hot-Dog Cart.
So we turn to ask about her origins, she was gone. Like dust in the wind, she was there only for a moment, and the moment’s gone.
Maybe she was never really there…maybe she was just a figment of our imaginations…but then where did she come from…and where did we get those tasty hot-dogs? She had to have been there…if only for a moment. There is only one answer. Virginia was our Hot-Dog guardian angel.
Now with our stomachs full of magic hot-dogs we proceed to play the games of chance into the wee hours of the night. I managed to play poker for almost 4 hours straight with a $40 buy in. I was was doing well at the beginning but the beast of time and exhaustion finally caught up with me and I lost it all.
When it was all said and done, I think I can honestly say that fun was had by all that night. I will think back on this night with fond memories.