I am fat.


Here’s the deal.

I am fat.

I overeat. Regularly.

I am six feet tall and weigh roughly 245 pounds.

I do not like myself because of the way I look.

I am going to change this.

I feel shame and I don’t know how to mentally convince myself to stop. At one point not too long ago I was on the right track, losing weight slowly but surely. Eating well and going to the gym 3-4 times a week in the mornings.

My friend and I started a small challenge between us, which I would consider a miserable failure.

I am not interested in failing any longer. I need to express my dissatisfaction with my lifestyle and acknowledge publicly where I am failing in my life, figure out why, fix it, and move on.

I am not interested in being fat any more.

I have a 16 week old daughter and I want to be able to keep up with her for a long time. Being fat does not play into this.

I don’t want to publish this post. I feel embarrassed every time I type the word fat.

My palms are sweating. If you could see me typing this, you would see about a half dozen nervous ticks every time I finish a sentence.

Everyone always says the best way to lose weight and keep it off is to eat healthy and exercise regularly, the key behind this strategy though is the mindset. How do you get in it?

For me, I believe this post is a first step in a good direction. I am going to set my plan in writing here, and post weekly updates, holding myself accountable. I will assume that anyone reading this is holding me accountable as well.

My plan 0.1

  • Get up earlier & go to the gym at least 3 times a week.
  • Eat no more than 1500 calories a day.
  • Eat more vegetables
  • Eat fewer carbs & starches.

I will keep you posted.

3 thoughts on “I am fat.

  1. blmjr

    I wish you well in releasing weight and making healthy choices. The bullet points above are a great start and there are many more to be found in thousands of books and websites.

    In changing long term behavioral patterns, it’s very important to make change on several levels.

    On the Mental Level, you can read books and learn that drinking more water and eating smaller more frequent meals can lead you toward your goal. You are a smart guy, so you’re probably pretty good at changes at this level.

    On the Physical Level, you can take the stairs instead of the elevator, take a ballroom dance class, or discover yoga. Find new ways to be in your body, be present with yourself.

    On the Emotional Level, you can examine your issues around shame and feeling less than. How does over eating serve you? What function does it serve? If you take away the comfort that food brings, what other comfort will take its place?

    On the Spiritual Level, you can make contact with the Divine Spark within you and gain strength from that connection.

    If we make changes on the physical and mental levels and don’t address the underlying emotional issues, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. It becomes a contest between your will and the shame and the shame will win that one, eventually, every time.

    Make it a priority to release the shame and fear, work towards that goal, and brownies won’t have the same hold over you.

    Be kind and loving and nurturing toward yourself and you will change more than your waistline.

    Best of luck!

  2. bill

    im not healthy as well dude….

    you’re right it is hard typing the word fa… fa… obese.

    ive been running after work (or trying to at least)

    lets start up the raquetball again, or at least go and work out or run or some shit before or after work.

    ive found it kinda helps having another person motivate you sometimes. its hard to go by yourself… for me anyways.

    lets go pump some iron and kick some ass on the rb court!


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